Photos taken Christmas Eve, 2007i'm not really sure what my grandma would want me to do today, the day that marks the 6th year since her passing. what i do know is that i can't have what i want more than anything: a big hug from my grandpa. i don't have it in me to elaborate on the details of that day or my feelings on this day, more than to say time has not healed my wounds. my mom often accuses me of not remembering someone who made me the center of her life, but i think this is just another instance in which my mom hasn't taken the time to really understand me. my apparent lack of tribute is really just an attempt to live my life without crying everyday. that's one thing i know my grandma would want to happen. but on this day, when i think back to what i went through 6 years ago and all the memories i wasn't able to share with the one woman who deserved to be a part of so many special occasions, the tears flow heavy and often.
(perhaps someday, i'll be able to tell my story of why this day shook my world so deeply. to so many people, a grandmother passing means so little. when she's filled a role in life more like your mom and it happens as it did six years ago, it rocks you to your core. and when you're 16, that memory changes everything.)
Jes,
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you. I have dealt with guilt over things surrounding both my husband's and my mother's passings. I am sure, though, that neither would want me to live my life grieving them. Remembering? Yes. Grieving? No. Cling to those wonderful memories and cry when you must.
Thinking of you - I am lucky to still have the grandparents that I am the closest to...I have lost some close to me. Brad's mom's death rocked our world, too..Sometimes crying everyday is how you pay tribute. No matter how hard you cry today or tomorrow or even the next day...it will get less and less. Don't hold back.
ReplyDelete